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Monthly Heroines

family life & style blog

Filtering by Tag: badass mommas

The One Who Does Her Part

Debora Manusama-Sinaga

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I'm not sure of when did the phenomenon that Anthony Bourdain once described as the Hipster Apocalypse officially started, but in the last 7 years, I have seen more and more of hipsters or their wannabe's walking around the planet, even in third-world countries. Who are they and what do they look like? In a nutshell, the males usually have this long beard (if not hair) and tattoos. They wear skinny jeans and round-rim hats. The females are usually dressed in some boho-vintage-inspired outfit (probably bought at Urban Outfitters or American Apparel). They  are into arts, vintage vinyl, vintage camera (and polaroids). They drink craft beer (and even the gluten-free ones). And they are usually into bands that nobody's ever heard before as well as indie movies that nobody really gets.

infograph by MIchael Mahaffey

 

Yeah, the infograph above has pretty much summed it up. Hipsters are basically the 'anti-mainstream' people, which I think is pretty ironic since being a hipster is almost as mainstream as being gay in America these days.

They usually live in Denver, Austin, or Brooklyn (or aspire to do so). Many of them are vegan or vegetarian (or paleo or whatever), they shop organic and certified fair-trade products, do yoga, and yet smoke on regular basis at the same time. Yeah more irony right there.

Okay why am I talking about them, again? Oh yeah, I am writing a prologue of my friend Karen's inspiring story, because she kinda reminds me of those hipsters I saw at Williamsburg, Brooklyn where my friend Kathy used to take me back in summer 2011. Not because Karen hangs a dreamcatcher on her walls or wears flower crowns in the summer, but because she is just a 'normal' person who lives in Dallas, not into weed nor Bon Iver but is actually abiding by the natural and organic lifestyle in its truest form.

You shop in an all-organic grocer? She volunteers in a co-op and gets produce, meat, eggs, and even yoghurt delivered to a pick-up point straight from the farm. You use eco-friendly diapers? She uses cloth diapers. You drink kombucha? She grows it herself at her own kitchen! Seriously, how hippie can a person be? Haha...

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I find the fact that she is a very normal yet very 'earth-loving' person to be fascinating. "I'm an undercover hippie", she joked to me once. Whatever you call these people who choose a more natural lifestyle like Karen these days, I think we ought to learn from her. Cause everyone has a story of why they do things the way they do,

and the following is hers.

***

I have always been passionate about health and well-being. Having volunteered in associations like the Amigos Sin Fronteras, I knew from a very young age, that helping other people especially with their health was something that I wanted to do for a living. So I went on to study stomatology in BUAP (Benemérita Universidad Autónoma de Puebla) for almost 5 years before studying dental hygiene for another 3 years in Houston, Texas. Throughout these years spent learning and working in medical field, I was exposed to so many different aspects of the industry that were quite traumatizing, including witnessing  a woman in labor and c-section surgeries. "I wouldn't want to see all this when I give birth one day. I want to get anesthetized and sleep through the whole process," I said to myself.

While still studying, around year 2008, I started to experience many symptoms that lead to confusion. It took the doctors 9 months to diagnose me with hyperthyroidism. I had to take so many medication, my blood pressure sky-rocketed, and if I was to follow their advice I would have to take the medication forever -- which can't be good, right? Moreover, they told me that it would be hard for me to conceive a child. And if I ever got pregnant, it would be a high-risk pregnancy, since I would have to take some hormonal meds (that I was allergic of). Lastly, they told me that it was better for me to have my thyroid removed.

On top of it all, my liver was intoxicated and I couldn't handle the medication anymore. And then in 2011, my sister, who'd just given birth naturally at home, suggested me to look for alternative treatments. I then stopped taking the medication at the beginning of 2012 and started consulting my health with a chiropractor, who taught me that healing and health start with the right diet. I thought I was healthy, I mean I used to give nutritional consultation back then. But I discovered that what I Iearned in school was largely influenced by the food industry (for example : they used to say that coconut oil is bad for you because of the fat, but the truth is, it is actually good for your heart, read more here. whereas the popular canola and corn oil are more suspicious because most of them got GMO's).

So I started to do an intense detoxification diet : no wheat, soy, canola, corn, and dairy.

I know that God gives us miracles, but I also realize that it is our responsibility to take care of our own body. We ask Him to do His part all the time, without realizing that we need to do our part and give thanks

My healing started when I realized that I was already healed. That all I needed to survive and to be healthy was already there. I stopped asking for healing and started to give thanks for it, while doing my best to keep my health. I even gave thanks for a baby that I did not have yet.

I felt at peace and my whole attitude changed when I started to be grateful and to take that step of faith.

And in less than 2 months, I got pregnant.

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Now I knew that if I'd gone to the regular ob-gyns, they would've treated me as if I had a high-risk pregnancy. So I went to a midwife, who could tell my baby's position just by touching and feeling my belly and not by conducting an ultrasonography observation all the time. I did everything naturally, my thyroid level was normal, and my whole pregnancy was easy (I didn't even experience morning sickness). Finally on March 2013, I gave birth to my precious Benjamin through water birth.

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Even during labor, I embraced the natural pain that I felt. I knew that it was there to give me a sign that Ben was going to be born soon. It was a moment like no other, and it got us, my husband and I, closer than ever before.

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I believe that our part as human is also to consume things the way God has created them to be consumed, or in other words naturally. That's why I still breastfeed my little one and eat healthy. And that's why I question everything now regarding my child's well-being, like the benefits of immunization and even the school system.

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Not everything is bad as bad as you think and not everything is as good as you think. The key is to ask the right people and do your own research.

The One with 4 Kids & a Fashion Blog

Debora Manusama-Sinaga

I must admit, having a toddler running around (yes, J started walking 2 weeks ago), making breakfast + lunch + dinner 5 days a week, doing the laundry and blogging in between have made "getting stylishly dressed" for a day out seems impossible. However, I've come to realize that taking care of myself is crucial not only to me but to my kid(s). I mean, I wouldn't want them to grow up with a mother who does a great job in taking care of everything and everybody else but herself. What kind of principle/message am I communicating/teaching by living that way?
I think a person's "inner beauty" should actually visible. Not only through her attitude, words, and actions, but also through how she represents herself. And in this case, through how she wears her clothes.

I found this mother's blog when I was looking for some inspiration. And to my surprise, she can manage to look so effortlessly good with 4, not 1, but 4 kids running around!!!!  Whaaatt....??

Her style is real. Not too fancy and glamorous like Kim or Beyonce. Which what we, real everyday mothers, can achieve too ourselves! Decent, not flashy. Nothing speaks class more than subtlety, right?
So let us learn from her. A stylist, a wife, a mommy, a soup stirrer and an "occasional dinner burner" whose life soundtrack includes Bach, Brandie Carlisle, First Aid kit, and "(sadly) Frozen". She drinks tea, thrifts and blogs during her spare time ("wait, what is spare time?"), here is Shalice Noel.
***
I played with dolls since forever and I used to babysit too. I was that kind of babysitter that turned off the TV and played with the kids the whole time. I loved it! And after my husband and I got married, we got pregnant shortly after. 3 months into the marriage, to be exact. My first daughter (now age 6) arrived at our first wedding anniversary. It kind of makes us laugh now but it was one tough year!
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With so many activities done during the day, I write in the wee hours of the night, which makes for hard mornings. I keep all random ideas noted in a folder on my phone so no matter where I am, I can document inspiration. Because we all know the best ideas are when we least expect, like when your hands are wet while doing laundry.

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Speaking of laundry, while taking care of my 4 kids, I have learned to spend a little time on myself. To forget the laundry, because it'll always be there. I mean, I haven't seen the bottom of my laundry basket in months! Spend a little time on yourself, mothers. On your hair, get a new lip stick, get fitted for a new bra and jeans that actually fit! I've found that the number one problem mom's have is not getting properly fitted and wearing the wrong sizes. No one feels good when frump is going on.

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I have always been into fashion. I used to prep all my outfits the night before and devoured fashion mags and pinned looks on boards. The old fashioned way, ha! Now to 'keep up' with it without spending too much money on it, I think it's best to invest in your closet. Namely a good bag and a good pair of shoes. If you follow me on Instagram or my blog you'll notice I use the same pieces over and again. This is because I've learned through trial and error how to shop smart. And what pieces will carry you through the seasons. I blog about this at www.shalicenoel.blogspot.com/costperwear. Feel free to check it our and get inspired!

I'm working with some great companies, a giveaway planned and had a blast modeling Anthropologie's FW line last week. I definitely succumb to baby fever and I'd love to have a 5th kid, but who knows. Because life will never slow down from here or get any crazier?

***

The One Who Makes Her Surroundings Beautiful

Debora Manusama-Sinaga

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Ask her what she loves to snack on, and she  will definitely say "peanut butter toast and banana slices" :)
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*photo by Sugar Fit
As for what she loves to do, you don't have to ask. Just check out her styling & decorating IG account where she makes it obvious that keeping her surroundings beautiful is her passion.
a wife, a mom, a DIY and decorating maestro, here is Reneé Richello.
***
Growing up, I have four younger siblings, so being around babies and kids is nothing new for me. I actually looked forward to having my own. It was hard to believe that it was real at first, when we found out about my first baby. My husband and I were "ready," or so we thought! It was a wonderful time, preparing to become parents. Fast-forward to today, we are incredibly happy and blessed with two boys, Joseph Isaiah (2 y.o) and Domenic James (1 y.o).
Juggling motherhood is not easy, but it does not mean that you can't keep your house tidy and pretty. One thing that I've learned to be very helpful is to clean and pick up toys at intervals throughout the day, and have my boys help. For example, if we are leaving the house, we take a few moments to pick up and put away. We also do this before nap times and before bedtime. I want them to learn that their toys don't get put away magically!
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Also, for toy storage, I love having lots of baskets and a designated place for everything. It's so much easier to clean up when there's a place to put it all! I've learned as well to just make lower cabinets, shelves, and tables for the boys and their toys so I am never worried about something being broken or dangerous.
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More than just keeping it tidy, I also love to keep my home pretty. My mom is an artist and from a very young age she inspired me to make my surroundings beautiful. She put a very special corner cabinet in my room when I was a teenager, and there I often practiced styling and decorating.
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I am very inspired by nature ~ I love bringing nature indoors. I am always drawn to light and bright spaces, and designs that I can do myself inexpensively.
I just bought some lovely gray chalky-finish paint, so I'm experimenting with painting many small furniture and decor pieces ~ one being a stool for my boys bathroom to help them reach the sink. My next big project will be turning my boys' closet into a reading nook ~ I can't wait to start that one!  I'm just getting started with a handlettered print business, and will be opening a shop soon!
If you are looking for some decorating inspiration, my favorites are magazines like House Beautiful, Traditional Home, Country Living, and Better Homes and Gardens.
Keep it clean, fun, and beautiful, mommas.
 

The One Who Just Wants to be a Mom

Debora Manusama-Sinaga

Just like gaziollions of other 21st century human being in the world, I spend probably upto 30 percents of my day (or more) instagramming. What? Oh come on, admit it, you guys do too. It's so fun to just look at pictures of people we don't really know and find out what they're having for lunch. Haha. I usually look for inspiration to write on instagram by clicking the 'explore' button and just by checking out what's popular. I like the idea of getting inspired by others through looking at their pictures, without having to 'add' them as 'friends' because that would be awkward (no offense, facebook, I still love you). I follow tons of other mom-bloggers, successful momma-preneurs, and mom-instragrammers who posts cool pics of their babies and their lives in general. It just charms me to see others enduring motherhood with their own style. Just like this momma right here. Screen shot 2014-08-21 at 8.13.48 PM

Young, stylish without trying too hard (cause I am not really fond of those who dress up too 'voguish'-ly - if that's even a word-  to look good on instagram), Krissa looks like an everyday mom who manages to grace motherhood without forgetting to take care of herself. Here's her beautiful little story that I hope will put a little smile on your face.

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 ***

On Being a Momma

I went to collage and majored in Studio Art. I met my future husband there and eventually dropped out. "Art is just my hobby," I told my dad, and "What I really want to do is be a mom!". The first time around, motherhood came as no surprise to us. Jeremy and I were freshly married and doing what married people do. He was on his xbox and I was figuring out the pregnancy test like a kid with a new toy. I yelled the test results from the bathroom and we screamed and laughed and danced. So nervous but loving it.

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Although, that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage shortly after, I like to remember those first feelings we had. We had a few more miscarriages and a long, scary 9 months but 3 years later I gave birth (emergency C-section) to the chubbiest and healthiest baby boy I have ever seen, Archer Atlas DuBois.

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On The Biggest Challenge That Comes with Motherhood So Far

No time for the hubs was the worst. Archer turned into my "new best friend" and we did everything together. Jeremy would start kissing me and I would hear a faint baby coo and be up in the nursery before he even opened his eyes! (I feel ya, Kriss, kisses v.s. baby coo's are never easy to choose from - moz)

IMG957095 As much as I felt bad for Jeremy I'm glad that I was so infatuated with my little babe. I mean yeah, sleeping in Archer's crib might have been overboard but at least I embraced that precious newborn stage. Jeremy says he hardly noticed. So I guess we're good there...

On Lessons Learned & Her On-going Projects

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I've learned to take care of myself (I eat my veggies now). I've learned to be more patient; and I've also learned that family trumps all. My dudes are inspiration and I want to be the best that I can be for them!

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Right now I'm working on a couple of projects. I have the BITSYbb denim, which is a distressed jeans and shorts line for babies. I'm also trying to open a local baby store full of unique baby products (this is a long-term project). All the while, I redo furniture with my big brother for his shop. And to top it all off, Jeremy and I are currently trying for another boy ;)

The One Who Has Got Something to Give

Debora Manusama-Sinaga

The idea of being away from a career, a precious little world made of lifelong best friends, and all of the familiarity of a home country might often seem to outweigh one's need to be with her husband abroad. As you might know, a lot of women choose to do a long-distance marriage for such reason (among many others, I don't judge, really). However, moving abroad might still be 'appealing' if your husband is being assigned to work or to study in big cities like New York or London. But what if he is being allocated somewhere more remote and unpopular? Will it be a deadend? chica1

Not to this hijabi mother-of-two, it's not! She bravely decided to follow her husband from Indonesia all the way to New Bedford, Massachusetts (never heard of the city before? Same here! -moz) about 4 years ago with a 4-month-old baby under her care. She is not afraid of the unknown. Even better, she subdues the unknown and make it familiar. She has inspired me to be proactive in enjoying the city I'm in. And I hope she'd inspire you too, as you read along.

A lionhearted wife, a dedicated mother, and a charming blogger, Here is Chica.

***

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On being a Momma

I am the oldest of 6. My youngest sibling is 13 years younger than me. So I am used to the responsibility of being my mom's right hand when it comes to taking care of younger kids. Even so, becoming a stay-at-home mom has never occurred to me before. In fact, up until I was in year 6 of elementary school, I didn't know what a stay-at-home mom was! Because the mother I knew growing up was the kind of mom who was very much a career woman.

Many years later, at the start of my relationship with my husband, Ara (then-boyfriend) expressed his desire to marry me under one circumstance : I should be a full-time mom. I clearly rebelled against this! I was a student at one of Indonesia's  top universities, dreaming of working for an oil company with a paycheck of thousands of dollars after graduation! I couldn't end up staying at home!! Besides, I have always been active, I could never sit around at home all day! (turns out, being a SaHM never allows you to just sit around, right? hehehe). Anyway, we got engaged and then got into a 2-year long-distance relationship when my then-fiancee decided to pursue his master's degree in Germany.

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As time passed us by, I started to realize that being a full-time mom does not mean forsaking my degrees (she got a master's degree from University of Indonesia, and her bachelor's was from ITB - moz).  There is a greater cause to fight for here! I am obliged to excellently play my role as a wife and as a mother, especially during these golden years of their growth as children, and our development as a family. This does not mean forgetting my long-term dreams and goals either, for Ara fully supports them. He has been my bestfriend since we were in college, by the way.

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We finally got married! Our firstborn Malik Azka Sagara Hakim (4 y.o) came when we were about to move to the U.S. Ara went first, then Azka and I flew together a few months after (yes, that long flight, just the two of us!). Afterwards, Khalif Arana Razzaq Hakim (2 y.o) came into this world, being the first American in the family.

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Raising two boys can keep you really busy. Alhamdulillah my dear husband accommodates my need of some "me time" by allowing me to have at least 1 hour away from home chores and the kids. You know, to work out, ride a bike, take photos, and to write. It helps keeping me balanced.

On Moving to the U.S.

I was so excited to move to the U.S. ! I can clearly recall that one time back in 2005 when I told my friends that I wanted to live in America with Ara and our own little family when they asked me "Where are you going to be in the next 5 years?" Alhamdulillah, by the power of dream, the universe conspired to make it happen!

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To be honest, the early days of living here were not easy at all. I was thrilled to go on an adventure in America, but then I had to adapt with my life as a new mom, which could be really stressful. Besides, the absence of relatives and family really made it harder. I was overwhelmed. Back then, we lived in an empty apartment, we couldn't afford a furniture so we needed to borrow our landlord's. I couldn't even cook while eating out would be expensive. We didn't have a car so we had to ride buses everywhere. Ara even had to walk to his campus during hailing snow in winter back then! And in summer, our non-air-conditioned apartment would get very hot. Can you imagine?

But through all of these tough times, Ara would always say to me "enjoy the process"...

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So we did, and we are stronger for it today.

 

On Enjoying New Bedford

It's a good thing that I have once worked as a researcher and that I am always eager to check on things. So for example, when the management of an apartment we wanted to move into told us that we were not illegible to do so because of our citizenship, I went online and looked for legal statutes to prove them wrong. As a result, the management agreed that they were being unfair and that we could move in to that apartment! It is much cheaper and it comes with good amenities and benefits! Thank God, I did the research right?

I then looked up ways to get involved in my community and to make the most of my time in this city. I started going to public libraries and museums while volunteering here and there, like in the picture below for example, when I volunteered for the National Park.

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I signed up to various different communities and I just try to connect and make the most of everything that I have on my plate now. Volunteering is a great way for me to channel my energy and skills on a positive outlet, and in the future I really want to establish a volunteer-based organization to make changes, because I believe everyone has got something to give.

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On Going Back to Indo
I miss Indonesia, I miss my parents and I definitely miss Indonesian food. But in the last 4 years since we moved here, my family and I have not gone back home yet, the tickets are so pricy!
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My husband will be done with his PhD soon, but we might want to stay here just a little bit longer. So we'll see. I will just go on and enjoy the ride.

***

 

The Humanizer

Debora Manusama-Sinaga

Been quoting her, been writing about her, you can tell that I'm so inspired by this woman. She is a mother-of-two strong and gorgeous kids, Ginosko Anugrisa Badudu (Gisko, 11 y.o) and Jasyanda Karunisa Badudu (Syanda, 9 y.o), who graces parenting life with commitment and love. A teacher, a learner, a mother, here is Mara Badudu.
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***
1. As a parenting mentor, how would you describe 'Parenting' in 3 words?
"CHILDREN ARE PEOPLE". As I have mentioned earlier, children are beings with brain, heart, and soul. Every gesture, word, or reaction that parents project at home WILL be absorbed and copied by the kids. Moreover, these actions will help shaping the kids at the same time! Some parents watch things with adult contents in front of their 6 year-olds, while others punish their kids by locking them in the bathroom. Dehumanizing much?
They might not realize this, but children will only view something as "okay" and "normal" when the parents make it look "okay" and "normal" on daily basis. So when we realize that children are people who have brain, heart & soul, we will surely pay more attention to whatever they see, hear, & feel (particularly from us).
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2. When did you start learning about parenting? How? 
It all started with a calling and a slammed door, not in my face, but in my mother's face. I grew up in an unhealthy christian family. One day, I saw my older sibling came home really late and slammed her door in my mother's face for trying to ask her where she'd been. At that moment, I thought "what can I do to not end up having a kid like this?"
I then started to do my own research, reading books that I couldn't afford to buy at that time (in bookstores, just flipping through the pages), cause I was just so called to do it right. My calling then came into life when Gisko was conceived.
3. So what do you basically do with your kids? 
First of all, I put purpose in my being a housewife and a mother. If you are doing it without a purpose, you will view this role as something dull, boring, and just...pointless. And before long, you will end up in the mall, spending your husband's money and neglecting your kids. I might not have a carrier or a fat paycheck, but I know that what I'm doing at home with my kids is far more important and actually rewarding than any money I could ever earn. So with that in mind and heart, I have been putting purpose and value in every encounter I have with my kids.
I try my best to always be aware of what my kids are going through each day, both good and bad, big or small. I want to know them all, and if there is anything good that I could do to help or fix it, I will do it.
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I aim to be the most comfortable place that my kids could come to, not because I say yes to everything they want, but because I can deliver the truth in a way that is acceptable to them. I realize that I do not have that much time. Researchers have proven that during the first 10 years of a kid's life, he/she absorbs 80%-100% of your teachings. That means, afterwards, they are on their own! we are no longer their 'only source', they will be bombarded with teachings from their friends and the media.
This is why most parents have fights with their teenagers. When their kids were little, they didn't teach them anything cause they thought "kids are kids, let them be". But then they'd try to do what they should've done earlier (which is teaching the kid), when the kid is a teenager. It's too late! No wonder the kid rebels! How can you expect them to listen to you now? You should've trained them when they were younger to face life on their own when they are older. Not the other way around!
4. Now that is an eye-opener! So, what can a new parent like me teach to my kids? Where should I start?
When your kid is still an infant, they can't really do anything so you just need to take care of them with the right attitude and the right spirit, cause believe it or not, babies can actually capture our spirit.  However, as soon as he turns 8 months old, he can already throw things away or puke his food out deliberately. At this point, we can already teach our babies simple manners and values.
What should we teach them first? Let us ask ourselves first, "what do we have to do as parents?" Always bring it back to you, not to the kid. Cause parenting without the parents, will not going to work. It will only be a set of rules that can soon be broken because it will be lacking something. And that thing is connection.
You can't possibly teach your kids anything if they are not on the same page with you. And they can't possibly be on the same page with you if you've never lead them there.
So again, it starts with you, mothers! You have the power that is greater than authority. You know what it is? It's the power to touch your kids' hearts! Use that power, learn how to master it so your parenting and actually your life can be effective! And most importantly, get creative and have fun with it.
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***
Throughout my chit-chats with her, I have learned a LOT from Mara Badudu. But if I could point out one thought that I think we should learn together, it's this :
 "What most people see as difficult and "too much" (= parenting with purpose) is actually 'easier' cause you WILL reap a good result later. Whereas, what most people see as easy (= purposeless parenting) is actually 'harder' cause you WILL reap a bad result later"
And it's not just bad! it could jeopardize their future if they got into the extreme! (drugs/ teen pregnancy, etc). So let us figure out where we want our kids to end up and make our choice today. What we do now might seem little but the result is enormous! :)

 

The One who Finally Understands

Debora Manusama-Sinaga

You might have heard of this momma-preneur from one of the fastest-growing local clothing lines to date, Cotton Ink, as she is its co-founder and Brand & Campaign Marketing Director. I personally first met Ria Sarwono 3 years ago, when I was producing a fashion-themed radio show on Trax FM called Trax Style (on which she gave us some free scarfs yeay! haha). Been following her on instagram and omg, I am so fascinated by how she makes motherhood looks fun! Little did I know that Ria had to go through quite some serious baby blues before she got to this point. This is her story.

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I got pregnant at the 4th month of my marriage. The pregnancy took me by surprise cause I felt like I still needed more time to adapt to the marriage life itself while managing my business. The first 4 months of the pregnancy were the toughest! I often get mad at my husband back then, and when I told my business partner that I was pregnant, she cried in fear of losing me as a friend.

 

Things were not so smooth at all until I started to enjoy my pregnancy on the fifth month. And finally  on May 18th, 2012, my baby boy Aksara Sajjana Mulia was born.

The struggle didn't stop there, though, as I began to experience baby blues for about 6 months after my post-partum period. I felt so powerless. In fact, the first year of motherhood turned out to be agitating for me, because it has caused my life and my routines to change drastically! I then apologized to Ara, for every negativity I have allowed him to see or hear from when he was conceived. And magically, he said "yes mom".
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 I then learn to balance my motherhood life and my work life. I am so grateful for the fact that my son is healthy and joyful today. Moreover, I am grateful for the fact that I can now accept the fact that I have a kid that I need to take care of. That I have this little monster that depends on his mother.
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Of course 'doing it all' is not easy at all. Although I am running my own business, a lot of responsibilities are still demanded of me. I might not have to show up every day from 9 to 5, doing presentations and all. But I have to strategize and figure out ways to hire the right people for my team. Plus, I gotta nurture that person into my company's culture, and be his or her role model. It's a different kind of challenge and responsibility. And it's the kind I prefer to being employed. Thankfully, I am blessed with a great business partner. And together we are launching Cotton Ink's upper line at the end of the year. 
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On top of all this, keep in mind that to completely balance everything is impossible. So in my case, I just go with it and do my best. My son has motivated me be to become a better person, and I want to thrive to give him a great childhood. I remember how good it was to have my mother around, when I was younger. She was (and is) such a comforter.  My struggles are nothing compared to the struggle of this full-time mom who raised three kids including myself. Her presence was the reason I rushed home from school. If there was no ibu, there would be no Ria. And now I understand.